Letter from the Blue States to the Red States
Before the invasion of Normandy (D-Day), General Eisenhower wrote a letter after he had made the decision to actually do the attack, but before the results were known. The letter was written with him acknowedging responsibility for the failure of the attack and resigning his position as Supreme Allied Commander. Because the attack was successful, the letter was never submitted.
In a similar vein, here is a just before the 2008 election letter from the Blue States to the Red States.
As the numbers come rolling in, a little tongue-in-cheek fun ...
Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election, too, we've decided we're leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You getAlabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
In a similar vein, here is a just before the 2008 election letter from the Blue States to the Red States.
As the numbers come rolling in, a little tongue-in-cheek fun ...
Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election, too, we've decided we're leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You getAlabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
Have you noticed that one person's "fun" is another's condescension?
I thought I would have some "fun" by writing back in the same spirit as this post.
Dear Blue States:
Goodby. Enjoy New California. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. We will be just fine.
P.S. We plan to ignore your requests for help when your government is on the brink of bankruptcy from uncontrolled spending.
P.S. Have you actually asked those Iowa corn growers if they want to live in New California?
Reply to this
Jim,
Not bad.
Stereotypes cut both ways, as you've demonstrated.
However, I would say we have already seen uncontrolled spending from the side who's been in control the last 8 years. Wouldn't you?
Larry
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Response,Par II, to Letter from Blue States.
This came in an email, should have resisted but couldn't.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me
realize that I want a divorce.
I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms.
We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.
After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell.
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Do you agree to this? If so, in the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one
of us will need whose help in 15 years.
P.S. And do you still think that what we saw for 8 years was uncontrolled spending?
Reply to this
Hello, Jim
Thanks for sending. Nice to see the far right can be as inventive as the far left.
You say you got this in an email? How about copying and pasting the other letter into a reply all? Might be fun to see what comes from that.
And yes, I do think the last 8 years saw uncontrolled spending leading paradoxically to a situation where more spending is the bridge to the cure. (Something like the cure to a hangover is the hair of the dog that bit you?)
I don't like this. I know you don't either. The economy is a patient on life support. The first task is to keep the patient alive and then to restore the patient to relative health. After that will come rehabilitation, but first we have to keep the patient alive.
Polarized politics is what allowed the patient to reach this critical stage. We need to be careful polarized politics doesn't keep it there.
My thoughts, anyway.
Thanks again.
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Larry,
Of course, spending has been a problem in this past administration. I think that is something you could have highlighted in your recent ezine about Republican unpopularity. The Republicans have moved away from the conservative principles of fiscal restraint, and that turned many independents or conservatives off. And they will be turned off in the future if they don't see reasonable fiscal restraint by our government.
Look at what we have now. Congress and the administration are trying to solve serious problems by throwing money - your money and mine - at them. Speaking just for conservatives, we look on with a mixture of astonishment, misgivings, helplessness, anger, and horror. And we wonder first if it is doing any good or is it making the problem worse and then when will the bailouts end.
Just my opinion.
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Jim,
Thanks for your post. Sorry for my own delay in responding.
Yes, excessive spending is another concern I could have written about. I also agree that getting control of that spending has to be a priority for Democrats in particular, because they will now be in control of both the Executive and Legislative branches.
I think interesting the flap over the car company exec's flying in to DC in their private planes.
What do you think of that?
Larry
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